Because Ryan Gosling is a Douchebag
by eyesofgarnet
Summary: They've sworn to keep their relationship secret from the public, until Rachel does a movie was Ryan Gosling and gets nominated for an MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss.  Puck isn't down with that.


**A/N:** Just for safety sake. I don't hate Ryan Gosling. I love him, and The Notebook is one of my favorite movies. The only reason he's the target in this is because someone gave me this prompt:  
_Puck had a bad experience with Ryan Gosling at one of Rachel's events/IDC where, so when she wins her MTV award he decides to one up the guy_.

* * *

No one is supposed to know they're together. It's a _career_ _safety_ thing according to both of their publicists. If they both seem to be more available to their fans their appeal is higher, his more so than hers. They love playing with his bad boy with a golden heart image (which makes his record sales go through the roof). At first it didn't bother him either, and it didn't seem to really bother her. Yeah, they could still see each other. The whole world knew they were friends before Hollywood and fame happened, so it's not like anyone is ever surprised to see them at events and movie premieres together.

They're comfortable. Even when the tabloids try to explore the actual nature of their relationship, they always brush it off and then something major happens, like Tiger Woods cheating on his wife again or Mel Gibson going off on another tirade about how he hates the world; and everyone forgets about them. Rachel knows whenever Puck throws his arm around another girl that he's doing it to protect her, she never gets jealous, and it's the same whenever she hugs one of her costars or someone she's doing a duet with a little longer and tighter then she really should be. It never really goes any farther than that because everyone they know suspects something is going on with them but never says anything.

Then Rachel is cast to do a movie with Ryan Gosling, that's when everything starts happening. Everything is cool for the first month of shooting. Puck goes to visit her on set up in Toronto as much as his schedule lets him and whenever Rachel has a day off they spend it together.

When their anniversary starts to get closer, five years, yeah he has to go and visit her. He thinks it'll be a great idea to surprise her. His latest tour just ended and he's not due to be anywhere for a while so he packs up his shit and heads to Toronto with plans of seducing her, and maybe dinner, but mostly just seducing her. Hey, sex is very important to him and he just spent two months on the road with a bunch of smelly guys and girls throwing themselves at him. Yeah he would have liked that if he didn't have his perfectly crazy beautiful girlfriend. Those girls are nothing compared to her.

He gets to the hotel the cast has been staying at since the start of shooting and bribes the guy at the desk to give him the key to Rachel's room. The guy hesitates at first but when Puck is waving five hundred bucks in his face his attitude changes. Once he's in the elevator on the way up to her floor, he starts getting anxious, if not a little aroused by the fact that Rachel's probably going to jump him the second she sees him for surprising her like this. He loves that idea.

The elevator finally reaches her floor and he lets out a low groan, the imagines that are going through his head could probably make for a good porno movie. He's thinking about all the nasty things he wants to do to her when he's walking down the hall towards her room. They all fly out of his head the second he reaches her door though and hears her voice screeching behind it.

"Get your fucking hands off of me." Rachel yells. He'd call her out on her cursing if he wasn't pissed about what was happening behind that door.

Puck inserts the door key in the slot and pushes the door open so hard that the thought that he might have taken it off the hinges crosses his mind for a second. It doesn't stay there long when he sees Rachel pinned up against the wall by her costar and on screen love, Ryan.

He's on the other side of the room in a second and before he knows it he's pulling Ryan off of her and throwing him to the ground. He would have started beating the shit out of him if Rachel's hand hadn't wrapped around his bicep and given it a hard tug. It's not like she's strong or anything, but he hasn't felt her touch him in two months so it kinda threw him off his game a bit.

"What the fuck is your problem, man?" Ryan asks trying to get up from the floor. Puck manages him to kick him in the gut to keep him down.

"Noah, this isn't what it looks like." Rachel squeaks out while trying to hide herself behind Puck's large frame. Ok maybe it was what it looked like but she hadn't wanted any part of it. Ryan backed her up against the wall; she had tried to push him away.

"I don't fucking care." Puck spat out. "Don't you fucking touch her if she tells you not to. Got that?" Ryan's groaning on the floor now, Puck had kicked him a lot harder than he expected him too. "Answer me, jackass. You understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

Ryan rolls up onto his knees and shakes his head. He has a hard time speaking but he gets what he wants to say out. "Yeah whatever. What do you care anyway? She's only your friend or something."

"Well when my _friend or something_ tells you not to touch her, it's smart not to fucking do it. Next time I'll break that precious face of yours."

"Whatever." Ryan spits out before pulling himself up onto his feet with a loud groan. He wraps his arm around his stomach and winces. "I'll see you tomorrow, Rach. After this idiot leaves."

Puck is about to go after him again before Rachel stops him by wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. She nods at Ryan as he walks out the door, slamming it rather roughly.

"You're an idiot." She whispers into his shirt. "You know he's going go to tell someone that you hit him right?"

Puck turns around and wraps his arms around her. "Yeah I know. Then I'll go home and adopt a dog or something and they all be kissing my ass again."

Rachel giggles at him. "You can't adopt a dog every time you hit someone, Noah."

"Yes, I can. So I'll have four dogs instead of three. You can always take one of them you know."

"You're horrible." She tells him with a smile.

He leans down and captures her lips with his and whispers, "I know."

* * *

So shit may have hit the fan after he kicked Ryan Gosling in the gut. He did end up having to adopt another dog, and Rachel refused to take one of the ones he already had. Though he was kind of hoping she wouldn't. He's sort of attached to those dogs, three German Shepherds (Rocky, Cooper, and Diesel) and now a Cocker Spaniel named Roxie (which Rachel had a hand in naming, he would never admit he actually liked the name).

He managed to stay clear of Ryan during the promotion of his and Rachel's movie, and the premiere, which he had to attended with Mike because the studio wanted Ryan and Rachel to go together to make it seem like they had fallen in love on set. People loved that shit and it would get their movie more money. He wasn't ok with it but he really couldn't say anything, and as long as Rachel was ok that's all that mattered. And he might have asked Kurt to stay around her at all times, just in case.

Two months after the premiere of Rachel's movie she gets nominated for best actress and best kiss at the MTV Movie Awards. He's really happy for her about the first one, but not so much the latter. Puck knows she's going to win them, how could she not, she's amazing. It's just he doesn't like the idea of what happens during the acceptance of the Best Kiss award. Ryan has won one before with Rachel McAdams and they recreated their on screen kiss. Puck didn't feel comfortable with that. And he knew Ryan wouldn't go for a Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson almost kiss to drive their fans bat shit crazy, Rachel had already tried to convince him.

So the night of the awards show he starts making plans to ruin their acceptance, if they should win, which they probably will. He's going with Santana this time, she's visiting from New York, because Mike, his normal event date when Rachel can't go with him, is going but he's taking some girl name Tina Cohen-Chang who enrolled in one of his dance classes a few months ago. Puck is kind of in the mood to have a woman on his arm, since that'll confuse the shit out of people after he does what he's planning to do. Rachel's being forced to attend the awards show with Ryan, just like she had been forced to go with him for the premiere of their movie.

"So what are you planning?" Santana asks as they are in the limo heading towards the Staples Center. She can tell he's going to do something big; it's all over his face.

"What makes you think I'm planning something?" Puck asks her, trying to play dumb.

"I know you. You're really getting sick of having to play secret couple with Rachel aren't you? You're going to do something tonight. So what are you planning?"

Puck laughs at his old friend and shakes his head. These women in his life they could read him like a book, and he absolutely hates it sometimes. "Let's just say everything is going to work out in my favor. That douche won't know what hit him."

"I really hope this plan of yours is more about letting the world know you're in love with Rachel Berry than it is your extreme hatred for Ryan Gosling. And since you're obviously going to ditch me for her, you better set me up some hot celebrity friend of yours."

"Musician, actor, or athlete, babe? Your choice."

* * *

Puck waited patiently (not really) backstage as he watched Ryan Gosling and some chick that he didn't know present the award for Best Villain. His plan is working out fine so far. He got back here a little earlier than he should have, lying to a bunch of people as to why he needed to leave his seat. Santana was left by herself, thankfully sitting next to Mike and his date Tina. She knew Mike well enough to not feel alone. He had seen Rachel stare at him when he made his way down towards the side of the stage before sneaking into the back. She had mouthed to him _where are you going?_ But he just shook his head and winked at her, knowing that would drive her crazy.

His publicist had somehow found him, that bitch never let him get very far. "What are you doing back here so soon?" Melina asked him. "I hope you're not planning on doing anything stupid again. There's only so much of shit I can clean up."

He gave her a smirk. This woman knew him far too well. "I'm not going to do anything _stupid_. I promise." And he wasn't going to do anything stupid. To him, this wasn't stupid. This was the bravest thing he could ever do.

After Ryan and the girl, whose name he still didn't know, came back after the award had been given out, Puck gave him a quick smile and approached him. It was time to put his plan into action.

"Dude, some chick is asking for you back by the press rooms. Her name is Meredith or some shit. Says she knows you and really needs to talk to you." Puck told him.

Ryan's eyes lit up. "Really? Thanks. Umm…tell them I'll be right back." The guy practically skipped away from where Puck was standing.

Puck watched the next two presenters go out on stage and begin to announce the couple up for best kiss.

"And last, but certainly not least, Rachel Berry and Ryan Gosling for _Another Turn_." The blonde model said with a smile on her face.

The guy presenting with her pulled opened the envelope in his hand and a wide smile crossed his face. Puck knew she had won by that look alone. This guy, whose name he didn't know either, had been in some movie with Rachel a year ago, and always gave shit away with his goofy grin.

"Rachel Berry and Ryan Gosling! For _Another Turn_." The guy said excitedly.

The look on Rachel's face made his heart beat a little faster. This was the first movie award she had ever been nominated for, certainly not the last, and he could tell she was filling with excitement (not shock, because she's Rachel Berry, when she's nominated she wins, all the Grammy's in her house are proof of that). For a second he feels bad that he might just ruin this for her. What he was about to do was going to overshadow her win and leave people talking for a while.

Rachel made her way to the stage, looking towards the back waiting to see Ryan walk out there with her. When he didn't show when she reached the podium the smile faded away to a look of confusion.

"Well I thought I was going to be accepting this with my costar, but he seems to have disappeared." She said with a laugh. He could tell she was nervous. That was his cue.

The audience gasped as Puck walked out on stage, causing Rachel to turn towards him with a frown on her face.

"Noah! What are you doing?" She tried to whisper but the microphone in front of her caught her words.

He didn't answer her; he just kept walking until he was right next to her, pushing her out of the way so he could talk.

"Sorry, Ryan's in the back getting cozy with some girl, so I told him I'd help him out a little. Now this girl right here." Puck pointed to Rachel and smiled. "We've been dating for the past five years. I wasn't allowed to tell anyone because my publicist is a cold heartless bitch who probably hasn't gotten laid since the 90s, and I'm a little fucking sick of it. So Rachel Berry is off the market, sorry guys. She's all mine. I love her."

Everyone was staring at him in silence. He could hear Melina screaming at him from the side of the stage but he just blocked her out. She didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that all of these people knew that Rachel Berry was his girl now. Screw his record sales, he had enough money to last him a lifetime.

"Noah?" Rachel asked from behind him.

Puck turned to see her eyes wide with surprise, and he could swear there was a tear falling down her cheek. Reaching over, he pulled her towards him and caught her lips in a forceful kiss. Her arms snaked around his neck and into his hair as his wrapped around her waist (yeah he's totally grabbing her ass to pull her closer to him). Everything else faded away. It didn't matter that were millions of people watching him kiss her, or that Melina was on stage screaming at him, all that matter was her.

When he tried to push his tongue into her mouth, Rachel pulled away and smiled at him, tears streaming down her face. "You're a jackass, Noah Puckerman." She told him as she rested her forehead on his. He had won with those words.

"But I'm your jackass." He said with a huge smile before kissing her again. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Ok! Ok! Break it up you two before you make everyone sick from all the happy going." The host, Jimmy Fallon told them.

Rachel grabbed Puck's hand, and pulled him towards backstage, leaving her big popcorn statue still sitting on the podium.

"Well," Jimmy said with a smile on his face. "My wife owes me a shit load of money. We had a bet going on as to when those two would come out about their relationship."


End file.
